A lack of another form of confidence

I always consider myself confident. 

From stubbornness. Don't listen to parents

Be different to my peers. Don't consider their opinion but instead listen to my own voice. Make it personally. Don't follow trends. 

Study my own terms. I mostly study everything by myself except in school with teachers. I don't have tutors or extra classes. I never forget that I studied English all by myself and didn't register for any class or Center. I was not passionate in English class helping us to crack tests. It is not the way I want to learn. Then I prefer self-study with resources I can find. Some of my inexperienced behaviors early on are somehow relatively relate to genius (from my knowledge) who invent on their own. I wish I was like them lol

Consistent with my longing. Study hard and follow my dream. Not be influenced by others.

Rise after fall. No matter how hard I'll find a way although it takes my tears, my well-being.

Make my own decision and take responsibility for it.

No one can change me until I make it. 

Everything mentioned above resonates self-confidence and from within. (If you read my blog enough, you can guess the advantage and limitation of these characteristics)

However,

It seems I am too focused on self-confident and lack another form of confidence - Social confidence. Speak up, not be influenced by others in the large group or community or not hesitation.

I am introverted. I am overly sensitive when interacting with a bigger group especially the group I am not familiar with. I tend to hide myself and try not to be noticed/spotlights/center in the crowd. I prefer to listen to and observe it. (I only show myself when I feel comfortable and see it is worth it. This is not a good strategy). 

Yeah, for sure. I will build this form of confidence. I will speak it out loud, show up and not be too sensitive or influenced by others as long as it is right and show my true color. I don't want to hurt anyone. I care for their feelings too.

P.S #1. I don't think it a big deal. I trust my process and I can do it!

#2. I have never had one-side love or unrequited love. Yeah just sometimes I see attraction but to go deeper, I would never if they didn't show interest in me (how could them if I didn't show much about me to attract? I admit It was a wrong mindset. I set too high standards when I didn’t give anything in return. But it was a long time ago). Anyway, do you know why I am not interested in who didn't show interested in me? Because if they cannot see what I can see in myself. They don't enjoy what I enjoy with myself. It would be not suitable company for a long run, I think. I can create a deep and genuine connection to myself. That's why I believe I can create the same with the other. It would be a happy beginning if both are attractive each other. To me, this is a type of confidence. Know your self worth, just allow person with the same value and energy come to your life. I understand why I often keen attention to details in people. I carefully look at what they show and guess what might be true about them (their core personality, potential, etc.). I try not to judge them for sure. I am only a neutral observer.

I have learned many things along the way I grow. Some lessons are harder or slower than the others. However, I feel like I have inherent ability in self-love. Of course, self-love is not fixed and also a journey and have to improve time to time. Still, I acknowledge it. It becomes the foundation on which I build every aspects of my life.  

Hanoi, January 06th, 2025