Modify to regain the spark

I've always expected that when I read a book, I will fully immerse myself in every word, never missing a line, reading from start to finish, like I did as a child flipping through comics and long novels. Back then, I was passionate about collecting them, treasuring each one with deep appreciation.

But it hasn't been the same as I've grown older. Sometimes I finish a book to say I've done it, as if it's an achievement to check off a list.

I've always expected to watch movies with full curiosity, to immerse myself in the characters' lives and see the world through their eyes, just like I did with the films that once captivated me and gave me new perspectives.

But again, things change. Now, with so many choices, I sometimes don't even want to start. The excitement feels diluted.

I've tried to explain this shift in a few ways:

1. As I grow older and gain more experience, my worldview feels more complete. External sources don't shake or inspire me as easily. They no longer feel as thrilling.

2. In today's world, adulthood often comes with a lack of focus and patience. There's too much noise and quick content pulling our attention in different directions.

3. The fear of starting something that might not be worth the time. What if it's not interesting? What if it disappoints? But then again, we never know unless we try, right?

It is truly a problem for me. I want to reconnect with that passionate part of myself. I want to focus again. And I've found a way forward.

1. I start with what interests me. I no longer need to expect so much from every experience. I can read a book slowly, stopping and starting when I feel like it. I can watch a movie even if it turns out to be different from what I hoped. That's okay. It's still my time to relax, and that alone makes it worthwhile.

2. I can set out motivations for the things I do. I can read a book to learn something new, to be surprised, to live and experience alongside the author, to express myself more clearly and to make my own experiences more diverse. Maybe I'll write a short review afterward to reflect and remember. I also want to write more professionally. Reading more books helps me gain insight and teaches me something about writing: structure, rhythm, clarity, and voice.

   I can watch movies with more openness, exploring genres from different countries. With each one, I'll let myself be curious. And then I'll write my thoughts not a critique, just a trace of how it moved me.

3. I've joined more activities (writing, drawing, playing chess, board games, playing instruments, taking courses for personal interests and development, learning new skills, sightseeing, exploring fashion, taking pictures, gatherings with friends and gaining make-up skills perhaps). They help me to stay present, share laughter, and feel connected.

4. I try to avoid the pull of quick content, the kind that makes me scroll fast, move on without truly engaging, often leaving little behind and offering not much in return. Instead, I focus on meaningful content that helps me grow.

This way, I reconnect with myself, with focus, with patience. And it works well.

PS. Writing keeps drawing my attention. Maybe it is because through writing, I can pause, observe, and make sense of my inner world. Maybe it's the space where I listen to myself the most.

Hanoi, July 29, 2025