Building from the inside out

I entered the world of romance quite late. I am not sure if that's good or bad, but for me, it feels right. It was my choice, and I'm happy with it.

At this point in my life, I've worked on myself enough to understand what kind of love I'm capable of giving and I won't settle for anything less than.

I knew I wasn't truly open and ready to find love or to be loved by someone until I was clear about what I was looking for and felt able to offer the best kind of love I could give where both of us could grow and flourish.

I also respect myself enough to let go of relationships that don't align with my values. Maybe it hurts sometimes, but as someone who's driven by long-term results, I remind myself it's for the sake of my future. That hurt doesn't destroy me. It strengthens me, sharpens my determination, and opens the door to something greater.

Coming into romance later gave me the space to grow, reflect, and free myself from the kinds of attachments that often complicate relationships, such as anxious attachment.

Maybe I didn't gain experience the way many others do by dating a lot but I've learned through observation, reflection, and knowledge. That approach suits me. I'm an introvert, and I prefer depth over speed.

Despite the uncertainty that sometimes creeps in, I feel confident in the path I've chosen. I've come across relationship advice online, most of it aligns with the values and boundaries I've set for myself. I watch and listen not only to expand my vocabulary, but also to find the right words to express how I feel. I've also found that I enjoy learning about psychology sometimes. It helps me better understand myself and others.

I've seen many people struggle in their relationships, especially in the early stages, and I often think it's because they haven't given themselves enough time to reflect on who they are, what they truly want, and what kind of love they're ready to give and receive, what truly matters most to them. Maybe they're afraid of being alone. Maybe they believe that love should be natural and effortless, that thinking too much ruins the magic. But from my experience, even understanding myself has taken time. Nothing meaningful comes without effort, even love. Still, I can imagine and cherish the beauty of a love built on clarity, patience, and truth.

I consider myself a complicated person. Understanding myself hasn't always been easy, so it's no surprise that understanding others can be just as challenging. But as I've gotten to know myself more clearly, I've become more confident in my ability to understand others too.  

I know I need to gain more real-life experience after building a enough foundation and I'm actively working on it. Along the way, I've already learned a lot. Many of these were new concepts to me when it comes to the context of romantic relationships: how to communicate clearly, recognize red flags, avoid being manipulated, understand trust issues, and set healthy boundaries.

I won't do anything unhealthy just to receive love because if I do, what kind of love would I be receiving in return? That's not the kind of love I want to embrace.

I've heard that, from a male perspective, there's often a choice between younger and older women. Younger women bring energy, freshness, and their own kind of charm while older women offer maturity, stability, and life experience. But I don't believe older women lack energy or charm. In their own way, they can bring those qualities too, even more enriched by depth and experience. In the end, it depends on what a person truly values. If those values aren't aligned from the beginning, then maybe it was never meant to be.

I'm open to new things, and I don't expect my partner to be exactly like me. In fact, I'm happy when love allows me to enter a new world. But when it comes to core values, I won't negotiate. Those are non-negotiable for the kind of love I want to build.

PS. #1. Inside Out was one of animated films I liked. What stayed with me most was its message: that sadness is necessary. We can't erase it completely, and we shouldn't. 

#2. Sometimes I joked that I wouldn't play chess, because it often feels like a game of constant battles: trying to trap, corner, or outsmart the other. I know how uncomfortable it feels to be in that position. But chess can still teach good sportsmanship, strategy, and patience.

Similarly, when a player opens with the queen, it can feel aggressive like they're rushing into battle. But it can also be a bold move, a sign of confidence and willingness to take risks by using their greatest strength early on.

Hanoi, June 21, 2025